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The Year 2000 Quiz
by Paul Slansky
Issue of 2000-12-25 and 2001-01-01
Posted 2000-12-18

1. Who is Allan Zarkin?

(a) The federal agent who aimed that humongous gun at Elián González.

(b) The Court TV executive who came up with the idea for a series featuring actual videotaped confessions by murderers, rapists, and assorted other violent criminals.

(c) The obstetrician who performed a cesarean section and then carved his initials into the patient’s stomach.

(d) A consultant hired by the Gore post-election campaign to help figure out how many flags he and Joe Lieberman should stand in front of on television.


2. True or false? A study commissioned by the U.S. Postal Service showed that the phrase “going postal” was a misnomer and that in fact postal employees are no more likely than any other members of the national workforce to be suddenly killed by one of their co-workers.


3. Since O. J. Simpson moved to Miami earlier this year, how often has he come to the official notice of Florida police?

(a) Three times.

(b) Twice.

(c) Once.

(d) Never. He has been a model citizen.


Who said what?

4. Darva Conger

5. Mike Tyson

6. Rudolph Giuliani

7. Rick Lazio

8. Rudy Boesch

9. Dan Rather


(a) “I want your heart. I want to eat your children.”

(b) “The only reason I’d bring a Bible out here is if I needed toilet paper.”

(c) “If we say somebody’s carried the state, you can take that to the bank. Book it!”

(d) “I am now going to try to put myself off of television.”

(e) “Well, why don’t you sign it?”

(f) “My emotional state is I’m very sad. And I feel terrible.”

10. Where did this year’s mass suicide by a doomsday cult take place?

(a) Sweden

(b) Myanmar

(c) Uganda

(d) Chad


11. How was “Showgirls” screenwriter Joe Eszterhas described by reporters and reviewers during the book tour for his novel “American Rhapsody”?

(a) “The scenarist responsible for a dozen or so movies ranging from the bad to the less bad.”

(b) “A bit like Santa Claus, if St. Nick had been subjected to intense gravitational pressure.”

(c) “Esztosterone.”

(d) All of the above.


Match the blurb with the film.


12. “Final Destination”

13. “Frequency”

14. “M:i-2”

15. “Battlefield Earth”

16. “The Cell”


(a) “‘The Matrix’ meets ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ in the year’s most original cinematic vision.”

(b) “‘Back to the Future’ meets ‘Field of Dreams’ meets ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ meets ‘The Sixth Sense.’”

(c) “Shoves you out over open sky, dangles you in midair, then drops you ten or twelve stories.”

(d) “Prepare to be blown away!”

(e) “It may be a bit early to make such judgments, but [it] may well turn out to be the worst movie of this century.”


17. True or false? It was revealed that, in the late nineteen-fifties, the Soviet Union considered, as a demonstration of its military and technical strength, detonating a nuclear bomb on the moon.


18. In a full-page ad in the Times Book Review, who supplied this blurb: “Working on my own stuff, I haven’t had a moment to look into ‘Passionate Sex,’ but how can others fail to buy it? If the author delivers one-tenth of what is promised in the title, the book will be the bargain of the year.”

(a) Jay McInerney

(b) Candace Bushnell

(c) Norman Mailer

(d) Dave Barry


19. During the second Presidential debate, what was George W. Bush referring to when he opined, “It’s an important continent”?

(a) Asia

(b) Africa

(c) South America

(d) Australia


20. Which of these shocking headlines appeared in a major U.S. newspaper?






(f) All of the above.


21. On the eve of his ninety-eighth birthday, what did Strom Thurmond tell a South Carolina newspaper?

(a) That he’d developed a “little crush” on Katherine Harris.

(b) That he hoped “heaven is segregated.”

(c) That he was about to turn eighty-eight.

(d) That he had a dream that the Democrats suddenly took control of the Senate.


22. Who is Barbara J. Pariente?

(a) The woman for whom Newt Gingrich left his second wife (for whom he’d left his first wife).

(b) One of the Florida Supreme Court Justices who voted to resume the recount.

(c) A friend of Linda Tripp’s who said of Tripp’s plastic surgery, “It looks like she’s had a head transplant.”

(d) The little girl who was first in line to buy the new Harry Potter book.


23. Of whom did the Times columnist Bob Herbert write, “The degree of self-destruction at work is breathtaking. He is like a military officer directing artillery fire onto his own position.”

(a) Robert Downey, Jr.

(b) Rudolph Giuliani

(c) Roger Clemens

(d) John Rocker


24. Name five of the nine Nixon/ Watergate-related figures whose obituaries ran this year.









(1) c. (2) True. (3) a. First, he and his girlfriend got into a physical altercation at a Miami hotel. Then, she filed a burglary complaint against him, claiming that he broke into her home and erased a message he’d left on her answering machine. Most recently, after a motorist protested his running a stop sign, O.J. leaped out of his Lincoln Navigator, reached into the man’s car, and pulled off his glasses, scratching his face. (4) d. (5) a. (6) f. (7) e. (8) b. (9) c. (10) c. (11) d. (12) c. (13) b. (14) d. (15) e. (16) a. (17) False. America considered doing it. (18) c. (19) b. (20) f. (21) c. (22) b. (23) b. (24) Attorney General Elliot Richardson, Treasury Secretary William Simon, Attorney General Richard Kleindienst, Carl Curtis (a staunch Nixon defender in the Senate), Charles Wiggins (a staunch Nixon defender in the House), John Lungren (Nixon’s doctor), Charles A. Wright (one of Nixon’s defense lawyers), James Vorenberg (a key aide to special prosecutor Archibald Cox, who is still alive), and Frank Wills, the watchman who discovered the Watergate break-in.