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by Paul Slansky
Issue of 2001-12-24 and 31
Posted 2001-12-17

1. What is the goal of the Ronald Reagan Legacy Project?

(a) To name at least one significant landmark or institution in each of the fifty states after Ronald Reagan.

(b) To name at least one significant landmark or institution in each of the nation's 3,142 counties after Ronald Reagan.

(c) To replace Alexander Hamilton's image on the ten-dollar bill with a portrait of Ronald Reagan.

(d) All of the above.


2. What did Turner Broadcasting executive Garth Ancier say "thrilled" him after the terrorist attacks?

(a) The way Rudy Giuliani dealt with the disaster.

(b) The support offered to the United States by other nations.

(c) CNN's being the first to incorporate the American flag into its onscreen logo.

(d) Not receiving an anthrax letter.


Match the movie with the blurb.

3. "Pearl Harbor."

4. "Joe Dirt."

5. "Freddy Got Fingered."

6. "Swordfish."

7. "Domestic Disturbance."


(a) "Quite simply the worst movie ever released by a major studio in Hollywood history."

(b) "Defiantly, extravagantly average."

(c) "The cinema of morons made by morons for morons."

(d) "So TV-movie-of-the-week that you wonder throughout why you can't use a remote to find a decent ballgame."

(e) "There's just something so sexy about a doofus dunked in excrement."


8. True or false: The White House chief of staff, Andrew Card, told NBC's Tim Russert that George W. Bush "read more documents, I mean, very thick documents, about the stem-cell issue."

Match the politician with his or her words or deeds:

9. Rep. J. C. Watts (R-Okla.).

10. Sen. Ernest Hollings (D-S.C.).

11. Rep. Barbara Cubin (R-Wyo.).

12. Rep. John Cooksey (R-La.).

13. Sen. Trent Lott (R-Miss.).

14. Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Pa.).


(a) Complained that Senator James Jeffords mounted a "coup of one."

(b) Suggested that former President Bill Clinton could be impeached again for pardoning Marc Rich.

(c) Jammed a parking ticket he received for violating airport-security rules under the badge of the police officer who issued it.

(d) Advised security personnel to be especially wary of anyone "that's got a diaper on his head and a fan belt wrapped around the diaper on his head."

(e) Revealed that Senator Strom Thurmond is "not mentally keen."

(f) Tried in vain to force Hilary Rosen, the president of the Recording Industry Association of America, to recite the lyrics to Eminem's "Kill You" at a hearing on entertainment marketing.


15. How funny did Mike Cidoni, a critic for Ackerley Group Television, find the movie "Rat Race"?

(a) "Spleen-burstingly funny."

(b) "Kidney-failingly funny."

(c) "Sphincter-relaxingly funny."

(d) "Brain-hemorrhagingly funny."


16. Who is Dave Manning?

(a) The New Jersey man who claimed his forty-six-million-dollar lottery prize by mailing in his winning ticket.

(b) The New Mexico professor who got in trouble for saying, "Anyone who can blow up the Pentagon has my vote."

(c) The contestant who got kicked off "Big Brother 2" after holding a knife to the throat of a woman and asking, "Would you get mad if I killed you?"

(d) The fake critic invented by Sony to provide favorable blurbs for its films.

Who's who?

17. Kelly Preston.

18. David Westin.

19. Natasha Lyonne.

20. Jo Moore.

21. Michael Ovitz.


(a) The celebrity whose response upon being stopped on suspicion of drunk driving was "I'm a movie star. Can I talk to my entertainment lawyer?"

(b) The network-news president who said that journalists should take no position on whether the terrorist attacks were "right or wrong."

(c) The British government worker who sent an E-mail to colleagues soon after the attack on the World Trade Center pointing out that "It is now a very good day to get out anything we want to bury."

(d) The celebrity who told Barbara Walters, "Scientology rocks!"

(e) The failing businessman who told a reporter, "My baggage has been that some people basically hate me."


22. How did Modesto, California, resident Ed Ikenberry explain his inclination to vote to reëlect Gary Condit?

(a) "He's been good for the district."

(b) "If the press hates someone, he must be doing something right."

(c) "I thought he hit it out of the park with Connie Chung."

(d) "He's not a murderer, I don't think."


23. Three of these headlines appeared in daily newspapers. Which one appeared in the satirical weekly The Onion?













(1) d, (2) c, (3) b, (4) e, (5) a, (6) c, (7) d, (8) True, (9) c, (10) e, (11) f, (12) d, (13) a, (14) b, (15) a, (16) d, (17) d, (18) b, (19) a, (20) c, (21) e, (22) d, (23) d.