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Campaign 2000
by Paul Slansky
Issue of 2000-10-16 and 23
Posted 2000-10-09

1. Who claimed that euthanasia is so out of control in Holland that the Dutch are killing people for their hospital beds?

(a) Pat Buchanan

(b) Ralph Nader

(c) Steve Forbes

(d) Elizabeth Dole


2. To what did Bill Bradley attribute his irregular heartbeats?

(a) Keeping too much bottled up inside.

(b) Not getting enough exercise.

(c) Drinking too much cream soda.

(d) Al Gore's aggressive debate tactics.


Which candidate did what?

3. Alan Keyes

4. John McCain

5. George W. Bush

6. Al Gore

7. Gary Bauer

8. Joseph Lieberman

9. Donald Trump

10. Dick Cheney

(a) Fell off a platform while trying to catch a flapjack.

(b) Paid a woman to tell him to wear brown clothes.

(c) Said that his leap into a mosh pit was an example of his "trust in people."

(d) Said, "I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I'm more honest and my women are more beautiful."

(e) Mentioned God so much on the campaign trail that the Anti-Defamation League asked him to stop.

(f) Explained that his reference to Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson as "forces of evil" was meant as a "joke."

(g) Referred to Greek citizens as Grecians.

(h) Cited reporters' questions about his voting record as examples of the media's obsession with "trivia."


11. Who, while interviewing Pat Buchanan, said, "Gore—surging ahead in the polls. If he maintains his lead, will he win over Bush?"

(a) Dan Rather

(b) Bill O'Reilly

(c) Chris Matthews

(d) Bernard Shaw


12. Complete this quote by Ron Reagan: "The big elephant sitting in the corner is that George W. Bush is simply unqualified for the job. What is his accomplishment?

(a) That he decided that he would never again brand someone with a hot metal coat hanger?"

(b) That he managed to stonewall the media on the coke thing?"

(c) That he's learned not to make fun of people he's executed?"

(d) That he's no longer an obnoxious drunk?"


13. Complete this quote by the Times columnist Gail Collins: "If Dan Quayle looked like a deer caught in the headlights when he was in front of the cameras, Mr. Bush sometimes resembles

(a) a proud lion, fiercely defending his positions as if they were his cubs."

(b) a salmon struggling to swim upstream."

(c) a raccoon pawing through the empties behind the frat house."

(d) a possum cornered in the garage—hunched over, tense, eyes darting worriedly."


14. Who introduced George W. Bush at a campaign rally with this anecdote: "At one of these governors' conferences, George turns to me and says, 'What are they talking about?' I said, 'I don't know.' He said, 'You don't know a thing, do you?' And I said, 'Not one thing.' He said, 'Neither do I.' And we kind of high-fived"?

(a) New Mexico Governor Gary E. Johnson

(b) Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura

(c) Florida Governor Jeb Bush

(d) Former Virginia Governor George Allen


15. What did Al Gore not try to take credit for?

(a) Creating the Internet.

(b) Providing the inspiration for the Ryan O'Neal character in "Love Story."

(c) Cleaning up the Love Canal.

(d) Arranging a fund-raiser at a Buddhist temple.


16. True or false? Of the twenty million dollars that Dick Cheney made over the past ten years, he gave only two per cent to charity.









(1) c, (2) c, (3) c, (4) f, (5) g, (6) b, (7) a, (8) e, (9) d, (10) h, (11) d, (12) d, (13) d, (14) a, (15) d, (16) False; he gave one per cent.