| home

by Paul Slansky
Issue of 2002-12-02
Posted 2002-11-25

1. Who said, "You know it's gone to hell when the best rapper out there is a white guy and the best golfer is a black guy"?

(a) Charles Barkley.

(b) David Letterman.

(c) Camille Paglia.

(d) Andre Young.


2. True or false: The idea for his alter ego, Slim Shady, came to Eminem (a.k.a. Marshall Mathers III) in a dream.


3. In the song "If I Had," what did Eminem say he would ask for if he "had one wish"?

(a) "The whole upper class to be told, 'Class dismissed.' "

(b) "My crazy mom to get a football-size cyst."

(c) "To get rid of cable and buy me a dish."

(d) "A big enough ass for the whole world to kiss."


4. During an interview promoting "8 Mile," what did Eminem say when asked if he was homophobic?

(a) "Not at all, and I really don't know how that whole shit got started."

(b) "No, but that doesn't mean I want to hang with Richard Simmons."

(c) "No more than the next man who's not gay."

(d) "Hate fags? The answer's 'Guess.' "


5. Who is Deshaun Holton?

(a) The lawyer who defended Eminem after he assaulted a man he caught kissing his wife at the time, Kim.

(b) The member of Eminem's rap group, D12, who goes by the name Proof.

(c) The bully who repeatedly beat up nine-year-old Marshall Mathers III.

(d) The lawyer who represented Eminem's mother, Debbie, in her defamation-of-character lawsuit against him.


6. What name is on the gravestone tattoo that Eminem sports on his stomach, above the words "Rot in Pieces"?

(a) Debbie.

(b) Marshall Mathers II.

(c) Kim.

(d) Mariah.


Match the lyric with the song.

7. "And by the way, when you see my dad / Tell him that I slit his throat in this dream I had."

8. "As long as I'm on pills, and I got plenty of pot / I'll be in a canoe paddlin' makin' fun of your yacht."

9. "But don't blame me when li'l Eric jumps off of the terrace / You shoulda been watchin' him—apparently you ain't parents."

10. "Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records / Well, I do, so fuck him and fuck you, too!"

11. "You gotta call me, man / I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose."

12. "I strike a still pose and hit you with some ill flows / That don't even make sense, like dykes usin' dildos."


(a) "Bad Influence."

(b) "Who Knew."

(c) "Stan."

(d) "The Real Slim Shady."

(e) "Any Man."

(f) "My Name Is . . ."

13. What happened when the producer Brian Grazer first met with Eminem to discuss making a movie?

(a) Eminem sat sullenly for fifteen minutes without speaking.

(b) Grazer surprised Eminem by showing up with his usually spiky hair cropped short and dyed blond.

(c) Eminem said, "My daughter, Hailie, thought that 'Nutty Professor' was some funny shit."

(d) Eminem said, "Yo, that Grinch movie—could I do the sequel?"


14. In the song "My Fault," a girl who is freaking out on the mushrooms that Eminem has given her cries, "I'm twenty-six years old and I'm not married, I don't even have any kids and I can't cook." What is his response?

(a) "I can't believe how fuckin' many 'shrooms you took."

(b) "Did you mess with my chess set? I'm missing a rook."

(c) "I'm twenty-six, too, bitch, it says so in this book."

(d) "I'm over here, Sue, you're talkin' to the plant, look!"


15. What would Triumph, the insult-comic dog puppet, have said to Eminem at the 2002 MTV Video Music Awards if Eminem hadn't pushed him aside?

(a) " 'The Eminem Show' was a great CD—for me to poop on!"

(b) "Those Nikes are great—for me to poop on!"

(c) "Let's you and me go poop on Moby."

(d) "You should lighten up. . . . I mean, my mom was a bitch, too, but I don't go writing songs about it."







(1) a, (2) False—it came to him while he was on the toilet, (3) d, (4) c, (5) b, (6) c, (7) f, (8) a, (9) b, (10) d, (11) c, (12) e, (13) a, (14) d, (15) d.